A Difficult Memory of Travel
This is going to be a very different post from my normal. Not tech related, but instead a personal note meant to capture a memory that entered my head today. This post is emotional, and deals with death. I won't be offended if you skip it (heck I won't know). As I drove my son to daycare this morning, a soft rain pattered the windshield. Something about the dreary, rainy morning triggered my mind to start reminisce on my time in Japan and Taiwan years ago. I want to use this post to capture those memories. I've already started to forget details, so I'd like to remember what I can before they completely fade away. 2017 was a turbulent year for me. It started with a new job, which I later came to label “the most toxic place I ever worked”. On the plus side, it was fully remote (as in, manager lived in Japan). When I accepted the offer, I had the condition that I would be allowed to work from anywhere as well, not just the United States. To this end, I planned a month-long trip working in Japan and Taiwan in December. That fall, while sitting in the living room with my fiance (now wife), I got a call from one of my cousins. My father, who I hadn't talked to in years (my parents had a messy divorce), had late stage cancer. Despite the anger and trouble that had separated my father and I, I absolutely fell apart (much harder than I expected to be honest). The next week my wife and I drove to Virginia to visit my father. Not only was this my first time seeing my father in years, but also his first time meeting my future wife. I think I managed to hold it together when we arrived, but I know I fell apart again once we retreated to our room. He was in bad shape, and not very responsive. My last memory with my dad was saying goodbye to him as he laid on the bed. He was showing me the bell he had that let him ring if he needed anything. He then offered me some of his gummy bears. The same brand he and I had always munched on before a night long marathon of Gran Turismo on the PS1 when I was a kid. And then we said goodbye. I remember being convinced I was going to cancel my trip abroad that was fast approaching. I didn't want to be so far away from my dad. But the truth was, we were back in Ohio and there was nothing I could do. My family convinced me to follow through with the trip considering everything was already booked. That December I landed at Narita International Airport outside of Tokyo. It was a rainy evening as I took the Narita Airport Express, then several local transfers to my destination station, Asaka Station in Saitama. As I exited the station, a Takoyaki stand caught my eye, so I loaded up on octopus balls to serve as my dinner. The Airbnb I was staying at was about a 15 minute walk from the station. At one point during the walk, I climbed up a hill following the winding road. There was a beautiful view of the prefecture, the kind of view that gives you shivers as you realize how far from home you are. I arrived at the Airbnb, nestled in a residential area with a beautiful park across the street. Airbnbs were (maybe still are) considered short-term apartment leases in Japan, so the first step after arriving is to fill out a leasing application and leave it in the mailbox. After the necessary forms were signed (I unfortunately did not remember to take my Hanko), I chowed down on Takoyaki and slept through the jet lag. If you're familiar with the Tokyo area, you might be asking "why stay way out in Saitama?". I am familiar with the area, in 2012 I spent a semester at Musashi University. My dorm was in Asaka, so the area has a special place in my heart. The next morning (or afternoon, I think I slept for awhile) I spent the day down memory lane, visiting places from my college days. I saw my old dorm, traced the paths I took to school and visited my favorite Indian restaurant in Tokyo. I still had a lunch coupon I had kept from 2012 for the restaurant, but unfortunately they said it had expired. It was worth a shot though! That night I arrived back to the Airbnb. I decided to give my grandmother a call to check in on things. I don't remember the conversation, but I do remember at one point she said with confusion "wait, nobody's told you yet?". She informed me my father had passed away while I was on my flight. Surprisingly I held myself together when I learned the news. As the weekend ended, I started going to a co-working spot to work. I continued exploring at night. In a few days, I was to visit my manager (let’s call him K) and stay at his house in Nikko for two nights. I seemed to be doing okay. But sometimes fate is cruel. To be honest, I don't remember the timeline very well. I think it was a few days after hearing about my dad that my mom called. Her mother had passed away unexpectedly. And yet, somehow, I was still okay. What else could I do? Stuck on the other side of the world, far from my family. I remember leaving the train to Nikko to stay with K. I was confused as the doors didn't open automatically like they usually do. An older woman showed me you had to press a button to open them. I guess it gets so cold and snowy in the area, they don't want to let the cold and snow in if they don't have to. K picked me up from the station and drove me to their house in the countryside. It was a beautiful house he and his dad had restored. A mix of Japanese and American influence. We had Korean BBQ for dinner in the small town with his wife and kids. The next morning, we played hooky and went on a trip into the mountains. It felt like we were in Initial D, driving along the winding roads (in fact we might have been, I've never looked it up but the road seemed nearly identical to the one in the movie). We visited a temple at the top of a mountain. As we walked up the steps, the silence struck me. A gravel path led through a tunnel of trees that blocked out the sky. K apologized that we couldn't see the view due to the fog. Honestly I couldn't have imagined a more beautiful view as it was. After our trip through the mountains we stopped at a roadside ramen restaurant. It's funny how much bigger the bowls of ramen are in Japan for 1/5 the price as in the US. The next day I was back on the train to Tokyo. In 2 days I had a flight to Taipei to catch. The night before my flight, I met up with an old friend that had been in my exchange group. He had managed to stay in Tokyo as a JET teacher. We visited an Izakaya in Ikebukuro for a few drinks. After saying our goodbyes, I boarded the train to Ueno. I remember after exploring the shrines I walked down to the water. As I stared across the water at the city, the grief finally hit me. I tried to somewhat keep my composure, but tears blurred my vision while I headed through the crowds back to the station. 24 hours later, I was in a new Airbnb, minutes away from the Shilin night market in my favorite city in the world, Taipei. I spent 3 weeks in Taiwan, working out of various coffee shops and a co-working spot called Project 0.1. I met a lot of amazing people at the co-working spot. We had lunches and breakfasts together and visited the night market. I spent time at the Beitou public library which must be one of the most beautiful buildings on Earth. Nestled in the middle of the hot spring district, it's a large wooden building that looks and smells exactly like you'd hope a hot spring library does. Near the end of my trip, I went on a weekend visit to Kaohsiung for my birthday. Located in the southernmost part of Taiwan, Kaohsiung is about a 2 hour high-speed rail trip from Taipei. A port city, Kaohsiung is right on the water with large cargo ships coming and going. It was a lot less chaotic than Taipei, and there's a bustling art scene in the docks district. I spent a night wondering around shipping containers converted to cafes as a group sang Christmas songs on the sidewalk. My second night in Kaohsiung I stumbled upon a building that had a kisok for scanning your train/travel card to pay. Figuring it was some kind of public transport, I scanned and entered the lobby, curious where I’d end up. It turned out to be a ferry that took me Wusong, a small island next to the city. Upon disembarking, I wondered down a beach until I came upon a small coffee shop in the middle of the sand. I sat with a latte, enjoying the view. Next to me, an elderly man with 10 cell phones running Pokemon Go took note of each Pokemon he encountered in a small notebook. Having finished my latte, I followed the path to a long tunnel cutting through the mountain. Two fisherman tried to converse with me as we walked along the path. My mandarin was a lot worse back then (not saying it’s great now either), and they quickly gave up. As the sun set, I found myself on top of the mountain (maybe large hill is more accurate). I had stumbled upon Cihou Fort, an old fortress that used to guard the entrance to Kaohsiung harbor. I sat on some rocks, looking over the town below. A familiar song drifted through the air as a garbage truck far below collected trash (garbage trucks in Taiwan play music so people know to bring out their trash). Before heading back to the city, I grabbed a beer at a beach side bar and watched the waves. On my birthday, I decided to treat myself to the newly released Star Wars movie. It was a small theater, maybe 2 screens. As I was purchasing my ticket, an American and his wife approached. “Want to watch with us and have a beer?” he asked as he held up a 6-pack. It was a great movie, made better with my new friends. The next night I explored the Love River. I hired a small boat to take me around. After, I grabbed a drink at a bar next to the water and listened to a live redemption of “One Night in Beijing” from some slightly intoxicated patrons. As I was gearing up to head back to the hotel, I walked along an old railroad track that overlooked the river. Leaning against the railing, watching the boats glowing with neon lights, the grief visited me again. I spent awhile on that bridge, attempting to work through my emotions. That night is probably the strongest memory I have of the trip. A few days later I was back home in Ohio with my fiance, our dog and our cats. It was a difficult trip, but also an amazing one that shaped my life. It was hard working through the grief, especially without family, but I met a lot of friends that helped me get through it. One is never done with grief, writing this article has brought me close to tears again, but it does get easier. Reflecting on the time, I can also be thankful for those last moments with my father and the support of my family. When my son and daughter are older, I want to take them back to that bridge overlooking the river in Kaohsiung. I hope to confront those emotions again, but with them by my side. I want to be there for them in a way my own father wasn’t. This article is more for me than the readers, so I apologize for that. It feels good to write this though, and if you did read through it I’m more than happy to chat about adventures in Taiwan or Japan! I’ve been to both countries twice and have extremely fond memories of both, and so many stories (like the crazy bus driver of Jiufen, the terrifying Maokong Gondola ride, being lost and found in Sapporo and discovering Okonomiyaki in Ekoda).
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