album: girls by princess nokia
As I said before, I’m a lazy listener . I don’t listen to a lot of music; I often just like one song of an artist, and I tend to listen to single songs and playlists instead of albums. But recently, I finally checked out the new album of an artist I enjoy: Princess Nokia. It’s been a few months since the “GIRLS” release, but it totally passed me by until now. After listening to the album, I felt changed. Healed. It felt like a whole body experience! For once, an album that I wanna experience as a whole. I do not dare to pluck out songs from it, remove them from their context, or to play one over and over and over again. I want the whole thing, I want the experience of each song being embedded in the rest, I want to “earn” listening to my faves and eagerly await their turn. That’s a new experience for me. So I wanted to write down how the songs (except FM intro and interlude) made me feel, what moves me about them. I’ll bring up something that continues on throughout the album irrespective of specific songs: Uplifting songs, and specifically women empowerment songs are often rather… clean. They’ll talk about all their material wealth, their perfect looks, their moods and hobbies in a way that feels sanitized. Good vibes only, being confident but not too much, treading carefully, still being kind and nurturing, not pushing many boundaries, no talking about trauma or resentment, no offending anyone. There is just clean self improvement in a way that doesn't gross anyone out. They sound like “ I like myself, but don’t worry, I am not arrogant or anything, I’m not a downer and I still look fuckable in the eyes of men and will laugh at your bad jokes. ” I sometimes miss the darker, more embarrassing emotions; anger that doesn’t feel watered down, accusations that aren’t sugarcoated, beauty that doesn’t hinge on heterosexual performance. Grossness, imperfection, self-isolation that isn’t depressed or sad, a vibe that doesn’t feel like a curated version of the Manic Pixie Dream Girl. Songs that treat women fully as people with all kinds of uncomfortable edges and unreasonable feelings, not just advertising space, a decorative item, a housewife, the main character’s development, and a hole. Things that are embarrassing, that the world heavily wants to police you for. You are always supposed to forgive and forget, to be relatable and put others’ needs first, to be the bigger person and give in. You’re supposed to read everyone’s mind. You’re the homemaker. You’re supposed to wear eyeliner “ so sharp it kills a man ”, but do it for him. You can sing about getting all the guys and driving in your sports car, but it has to feel like a persona, a trend, an act (not real), a revenge on rap music, and you have to still shake ass for them. You’re defiant, but you're so palatable. Queer art and sexuality feels different, more free, less in this box. Your body is sexy like it is, but not because it is contorted and watched. There’s more room to be evil and disgusting, your worst instead of best version. The mainstream empowering songs can feel like you’re only your “true” self when half of your humanity is missing; you love everyone and not take anything personally and are above everything, and every struggle is already therapized, processed, and neatly packaged up into a relatable lesson for everyone’s consumption, with an unspoken vow to never do it again. Not here, at least in the beginning. We are in the struggle, we are holding grudges. We know healing isn’t linear, and indulging in our worst thoughts and re-entering some grief and anger about what happened to you every now and then is normal and healthy. The vibe is eerie, it’s deep at night, the wolves are howling. We’re up late, we’re sick with anger, we can’t and don’t want to sleep. Girlhood is a spectrum Pretty is destruction I just fell from grace And I made it into something Everywhere around us, we’re inundated with beauty ads under the guise of self care. Put on all these products to become happy and look your best, queen! Not doing this is so slob, so bedrotting, so depression. Have you done your morning shed? Your 5 minute gratitude journaling? To be a woman, you have to take care of yourself, be in your feminine era! I enjoy using some products to make me feel good and affirm my gender - that’s not a crime! But the goalposts keep moving, more and more products are presented as staples, and getting started with a routine feels overwhelming. Do I do it for me, or for you? For us? I nick myself while shaving my leg and bleed, and waxing hurts more; my trash can is full of sheet masks, and we’re all scrolling while the conditioner does its magic. The hair gets tangled up anyway, hurts while brushing. It mats in the neck while you’ve called in sick due to cramps and you keep rolling around in bed trying to find a comfortable position. Everything we carefully draw on our faces gets demolished again, every acrylic nail fades into dust, and there’s a callus where the nail tech hits your skin with the e-file. It's two-fold. What makes you pretty can also make you a target and bring you destruction; the attention of evil people, jealousy. Now I'm fucked up and I'm bended If only I could understand the reason for my crying If only I could stop the fear of dreaming that I’m dying This is also partially a quote from Jennifer Lynch from The Secret Diary of Laura Palmer. What bends can snap. Every time I know it’s coming, every time I think I am prepared, but I’m not. The feelings overpower me, but why am I so sad? Why does everything seem so dark and hopeless? Why does my mind wander to worrying about terrible events and tragedies? Why do I simultaneously want to kill myself and fear I won’t wake up again tomorrow? Even a look in the cycle tracking app doesn’t make that go away. I have to wait for it to pass and trust that this isn’t the truth. This is for my rapist And all of my abusers You may have all the world fooled But I see right through you [...] I've been a statistic, and everyone ignored me [...] But I am a girl, so they hate my fucking guts They tell me I ain't shit And that I fucking suck If I was a man, I would get away with murder But I am a girl, so I have mental disorder So many like me have coped by directing it all against themselves. The outside world can’t be reasoned with; they’ll blame you, they won’t believe you, they’ll make themselves out to be a victim because your criticisms or accusations made them feel bad. Every time you try to fix it or extend an olive branch, the other party stomps on it and the situation gets worse. So you comply, you grey-rock, you plan your escape, you write it in your journal, you daydream about a different life. You starve yourself, you overexercise, you cut and you burn, you give yourself a bad haircut at 3am, you spend money you don’t have to make yourself happy, you numb yourself with the benzos you got your your anxiety. You do everything but not punch their face, scream at them, or give them the silent treatment, because if push comes to shove, you. will. lose. You are dependent on them and their approval. Everyone who feeds you can also starve you. It also reminds me of the Ashnikko quote " God made me pretty, you made me mean. " I am very girly And also very violent The juxtaposition of girlhood and violence makes the final girl so compelling. The final girl is a woman who is the sole survivor of a group in (usually) a slasher film, who are chased by the villain. She gets the final confrontation with the villain and often ends up killing him. Final girls tend to be very beautiful and have a certain aura, an implied moral superiority through refusing certain behaviors or acting "like a lady". I’m past my expiration date He called me damaged goods I’m the rotten fruit Low hanging in the woods How dare you weaponize my looks? I’m a bad bitch You’re impotent and bald We all know why you’re angry You’ve hit the wall, they say. 30 year old women are ancient. Your life is over. You are undesirable. If no one chose you by now, there’s something wrong with you. Even if you tried getting with people, each relationship was one too many; now you’re a whore. You’re easy. You’re the last option. You are not allowed to have standards, be happy someone picked you at all. Make it work with them no matter what. Never be mean to him back! If he acts out, that’s your fault. Stop expecting anything of him, stop nagging him, stop being such a bore and a prude, stop bring slutty in public. Why can’t you be agreeable? Why can’t you maintain your body in a pristine condition? Who wants you with a buzzcut and your blood and sweat? It’s a projection. The people throwing these things at you do not age well either and are afraid of being alone. Manipulating women with kindness is such a sin to me Premeditated You pretend to be a friend of me And rip out my wings while I’m sleeping You’re fucking dead to me I remember the time when my friendships with boys started to transform in early puberty. They suddenly acted odd. They weren’t carefree and silly anymore, but more macho, sarcastic, weirdly flexing. It’s like they went from being a person to being the image of a gender, forcefully. They put on a mask and looked at me differently. Now hangouts became unsafe. Every conversation could send the wrong message. I was now expected to do the work of managing these hormonal moods around me, juggle everyone’s feelings, and fawn. Make people comfortable. Reject them, but not too much, and not in a way that would hurt them so deeply that they’d retaliate physically or by spinning up rumors. But you first have to learn that, so by the time you’re 16, you know that in the eyes of others you are simultaneously ugly and fat but also a slut, and everyone whose romantic interest you had to handle like a fragile flower and spend nights worrying about allegedly didn’t want you anyway. Friendship destroyed. But some are more sly than that, and that’s even more painful. They’ll strike when you least expect it and disarm you with kindness and safety before you know what’s happening. They wield your connection like a sword. He’d never do that; that was probably unintentional; he didn’t mean it like that; he just needed some support in a stressful time; I must have sent mixed signals; I didn’t say no, so it was my fault. My friend’s brother went and did some weird shit Do I tell her Or keep it to myself? Is it common? Does she already know now? If I told her, I think she’d be embarrassed I think about it and all the girls just like me I dance around it ‘cause I don’t wanna hurt her This is what keeps rapists and similar folks so protected in our society; they’re embedded in the systems we rely on. Not just emotionally, where they have the potential to destroy our friendships. They’re your coworker, and you don’t wanna create a weird environment at work (even though they did), or they’re your boss and you need that promotion; they’re your grandpa, your uncle, your older brother, and you’d make everyone sad and split the family, ruining the family get-togethers (even though they did). The common solution once again falls on the girl. She will suck it up, she will keep it a secret, she will direct the anger against herself and protect everyone else from seeing it. Succubus male demon I know what you did I know what you did I know what you did But the mood begins to lift. We got the pain and crying out of our system. Our pants are stained, our beds are messy. It’s laundry day. We kill ourselves a thousand times in our head, but now we’re better, we reemerge on the scene. The vibe is hopeful. Now we want it all and we don’t mince our words. Eat your heart out, cunt I’m holding nothing back Of course I’m wishing death on you I hope you have a heart attack Sorry, did I do that? I have not one remorse There’s a pivotal shift in your life, maybe because of therapy, when you stop internalizing everything and directing everything against you, no longer taking on the blame for everything and denying your own feelings. The time of making amends towards these people and prioritizing their comfort over yours is over. Now you let them know. You have become independent, you have a backup plan, you’ll make your escape. You’ll give them a piece of your mind. You allow yourself to have these dark thoughts and wishes that you have always swallowed and pushed away. You own it now. “ I’m a bitch? Okay, I’ll be that. ” You’ll get called mean for things men pat each other on the back for. And I’d rather be seen as arrogant while I love myself, than being seen as arrogant for self-isolating and sitting in the corner with a resting bitch face because I’m nervous, insecure and just want to hide. I heard I’m a fucking cunt I know I’m a fucking bitch I’m judgmental, mean as shit My autism make me tick This song makes me cry. The longing for a girlhood like the movies and TV shows depicted is as much as I memory as the real girlhood we lived. We searched for it and saw glimpses of it in the cherry-flavored glitter lipgloss we put on at 8 because it was included in some horse magazine for girls, the short skirts we aspired to wear while we played browser dress-up games at 12, or in the iced latte we got at Starbucks at 15, feeling like those Instagram girls older than us. Lemon girl, kiss, kiss, she's so sorbet Lip gloss, glass skin, and a doll-like face Bows tied, mini skirt, skirt, skirt, ballet Iced chai, stardew, internet cafe I like that this song doesn’t feel rooted in the past or too nostalgic; it still mentions more modern elements of girlhood of the girls growing up right now, not just the singers’ upbringing - like Chappell Roan, glass skin and matcha. Things change, but some things stay. The core is the same. The yearning, the collage of all these things we want to be, the Pinterest boards, the feeling of what it is like to enter puberty or be a teen, or your “second puberty” in your 20s. The idea of sleepovers, the stereotypical cliques, Mean Girls, giving the other girls gum or your Labello in class, strawberry cented paper or pens. Even if we didn’t live it, a part of us wanted to. So badly. And even just listening to songs that have this vibe feels like a throwback to that time where we thought this was in the cards for us. It's so healing, even when older, to occasionally do these really girly nights for you. Make your phone pink, add glitter, wear something pink, play a browser game again, add charms to everything. It's going to be alright. Brow tint Lash lift Nails done Life’s great In the first song, pretty is destruction . But here, it’s also self care, a way to feel reborn, make yourself feel good. Beauty rituals and feeling put together gives us a little boost. It’s affirming, it’s relatable, you’re in the in-group. No matter other disagreements or differences, stuff like this is what can transcend barriers between women, in a way. Even if the beauty standards themselves or the procedures and rituals differ, we share in knowing how it feels. It’s a gift and a curse; on one hand, strutting down the street feeling your best after getting your nails done, but also having phases of wanting to do away with all of it. It costs so much time and money, and is it feminist? Is it not? Who am I really doing it for? Would I do these things if no gender roles and beauty standards existed? The feelings around it are messy. Can you truly own something, make it yours, do it for yourself if it is so mandated? We try. I’m in love with her See myself in her Think I know that girl I’m in love with her See myself in her I think I am that girl This piece makes me feel warm and connected to any woman, no matter the age, upbringing, or the time when she first started pursuing womanhood. It makes me recognize myself in every woman, and recognize them in me. It also makes me proud of everything that I have already achieved and look forward to achieving more. I simultaneously feel like the little girl I was, and the protective adult woman I am, and the motherly figure I needed. I want to give all versions of me a deep hug. I know everything I admire in other women, I also have in me. God, boys are so out Girls are in, girls are in And I'm obsessed with them, I love everything about them Their hair, their nails, their accessories Their poetry, their songs The cherry girls, the latte girls, the lemon girls, the coconut girls, the tropical girls The girls who get it, the girls who don't get it The girls who rot in bed all day, the girls who get up and go to Pilates and yoga Like, I'm somewhere in between both of them and I just love it I love being a girl, there's nothing else in this world I'd want to be Do you know what I mean? This is the power song. The song to put on at the gym, the song for getting ready to go out, the song for strutting down the street in the summer in your best fit. The kind of song that makes you think of music videos showing moments of parties and jumping into the pool. The song for when you are sick of the sad songs after a breakup and start to own singlehood again, feeling relief and contentment with it all. Acceptance. A way forward. A little manic. Girlhood, girls bleed Mean girl, girl fun Girl books, girl code Girl hate, girl love Free the girls Hope they all get divorced It’s time to shock yourself awake, remember you have free will, do some daring stuff, reinvent yourself. What does the average common man have to reinvent himself? A new car? A change in beard style? Going bald? But you . You have everything. New makeup, new nails, new haircut, new hair color, new style, new clothes, new bags, new rings… even plastic surgery, if you want. New aesthetically pleasing home decor where his shit used to be. It’s a new chapter. Drop dead gorgeous Scream queen fun Beauty pageant killer She's the one It continues with a similar vibe: This song makes me feel like an it girl, a red carpet girl, a girl hunted by paparazzi. A girl dressed by Chanel and other luxury brands. The kind of super model that is inexplicably always somewhere in France. Once again, a nod to Gossip Girl (which I still have to watch!), what seems to be a staple in many teen and early 20s women's lives. This one is kind of the weakest song for me on the album, but still enjoyable. It feels like a breather in-between; just a nice imagery about loving the sea, craving the beach and feeling like a mermaid; beautiful, mysterious, a siren. My favorite on the album, and the second song to make me cry. Sound-wise, it’s very clearly inspired by, and a nod to, Lana Del Rey, who was also mentioned in a lyric in Drop Dead Gorgeous (“ Lana del Rey, side of fries and a Diet Coke ”). I first thought Lana had a feature on it, it’s that close. Tired of surviving, I just wanna live White picket fence with no man and no kid Love is romantic, I know that it is Love by myself is the love that I give The track fills me with hope for my future, that I can make it, that I can create the life I want for myself and the ones close to me. That even if everything goes wrong, I’ll still have the love I give to myself. Our wishes sometimes get distorted, we get influenced by marketing or the goals of others and wonder: Am I asking for too little? Should I aim higher? Am I a fool for wanting so little? If I reach my easy goals, what then? Am I missing out? The most peace we can give ourselves in life is to be happy with little and having the appropriate amount of gratitude towards the things we already have. You can aim high, but you can always be happy with less. Isn’t all that we want some damn safety, getting out of the stressful areas, some time with loved ones and ourselves, and time for our hobbies? Green juice, Bling Ring Soft girl life, take it easy Pink room, pink clothes Brand new house, Pink Bronco I remember being a teen and imagining the life I’d live once I moved out. Not just the aesthetic of the furniture, but how the fridge would be sorted and how my clothes rack would look. Always having fresh flowers on my desk. Hanging out on the balcony in the summer. A whole apartment to myself, not just a room that felt like it was rented from a parent. I’ve been out of my parent’s home for close to a decade now, and the dreaming continues; now about living in a different city, closer to friends and family, in a bigger place, with my wife. I have outgrown the person I was when I moved into this apartment. Back then, I was recently broken up with, in the middle of a traineeship, not earning much, financially reliant on parents, and it was my first own apartment. I was very frugal, modest, minimalist and very attached to an all-white, empty home. I swore never to move in with anyone again. But I have changed, and my needs have too. Nowadays, I work full time, I am no longer reliant on anyone financially, I am halfway through a degree, I got more qualifications and I am married. I welcome color now, textures, a bit more decoration, less sterile. I’m willing to let someone in, to live with someone again, to share a space. I want character. It’s time for a new chapter, to build something together. It has manifested in the desire to sell a lot of my furniture and get new one with my wife at flea markets, antique stores, and eBay. I am willing to let go of who I was and embrace my new goals, my new perspective and new life. I wonder about the room we’ll paint pink in our new place. This song reminds me of what I’m doing it all for. My pink Bronco are the degrees I want, the job I want, the home I want, the entire life I want. After everything I've been through, and all the hard work I put in, I deserve it. I want pink diamonds, pink flowers, pink sand Took off my hair and rolled in the sand Starting life over, it's my second chance Packed up my suitcase and never looking back I'm standing firmly, the past is the past Well, pink is forever, at least in my head I had to actually research who that is! She’s an influential fashion designer, and her current fashion brand also bears her name. The song is filled with references to powerful and influential women (real and fictional): Phoebe Philo Joan Didion Emily Dickinson Chloë Sev (= Chloë Sevigny) Beth Dutton Maxxxine (reference to the movie with its character Maxine Minx) Suspiria (reference to the movie its character Mother Suspiriorum) It’s clearly a girlboss-fantasy (“ I’m dodging taxes babe ”). I never thought I’d miss the boss babe era of online content and that stream of feminism, but now that influencers have shifted into romanticizing being a SAHM and tradwife, I kinda do. The lyrics and beat remind me of The Devil Wears Prada somehow; I think of Meryl Streep as Miranda Priestly. It makes me feel as if I’m walking to my luxurious fashion industry job, wearing a fashionable long coat, some heels, and huge sunglasses with a fitting fancy bag. This is more like Princess Nokia’s previous albums (especially Everything Sucks ) both the sound and the lyrics. It’s rap, it’s competitive, it’s Sugar Honey Iced Tea and It’s Not My Fault . It's a message to people that love to see you fail, that doubt you, that are jealous. There's a difference from a star and a girl in a moment Half of y'all is temporary and you don't even know it You had your fifteen and I seen that you blown it My bad, I had to show it, I think you had to know it The song, and therefore the album, ends with a little message I can relate to, applied to me and my circumstances. I’ll let it close this blog post, too. I finally understand myself and my process And I respect everyone, but I know myself best And I don't like working with writers I don't like working with a lot of producers The formula to my success is silence, isolation, stillness My talent is best suited in that environment I know what works and I know what doesn't work I know what I like, who I like, what I want to make And everyone who works with me, they respect me They don't question it, in fact they encourage it And yeah, I wrote this entire album by myself in a span of one year And I had the best fucking time and it's the greatest album I've ever made So I know what I'm doing I trust my process Reply via email Published 10 Feb, 2026
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