Sex and the Fedi
Over the weekend, Girl on the Net - an esteemed sex blogger who, incidentally, happens to be one of the smartest, strongest, and downright loveliest people that I know - tooted : If you ever get sick of me banging on about my life and think ‘ugh I wish she would stick to the porn’ then please know: hardly anyone ever boosts the … porn. And this made me think. I had an engaging conversation with numerous people about it, and I still don’t have good answers, but I enjoyed the discussion and wanted to keep a note of it. This is that note. I follow and chat with quite a lot of sex positive / sex work-related people in the fediverse, and many have expressed similar sentiments. They create, they share, they get “likes” - and, of course, ample criticism - but very few boosts / shares. It must be incredibly demoralising. (I am in a different position in that I neither know nor care how many views my blogposts get .) It made me ponder why people do not share sex-related content, when sex is clearly part of life for many (but not all) people. My thoughts were: stigma about sex as pleasure. It’s fine to have sex, but not to talk about it. One of Girl on the Net’s regular themes is about communication, and simply asking questions (not just about sex, but also including about sex and one’s preferences and horizons). But I imagine that, for some, talking about sex is uncomfortable, including sharing other people talking about sex. concerns relating to professional expectations and obligations. I fall into this category. I am sex positive, but I do not know where the Solicitors Regulation Authority would draw the line, and I don’t wish to be even close to where that line might be. So I play it safe, even though there is stuff that I would like to post or share. But, oh well, self-censorship ftw. Sometimes, I would love not to be “me” online . being embarrassed about what others here might think. Similar, but different, to the points above. This is about other fedizens, who might be co-workers, employers, family members, or whatever. sex as being in the sphere of one’s private life. older people, perhaps especially men, being self-aware of engaging with younger adults posting sex-related stuff, and coming across as creepy. I completely get this, and I am somewhat paranoid about it myself. Several people responded to say that, yes, they felt like this. They might want to engage with public content (and I’m not talking about responding lasciviously, or sending dick pics), but do not want to be perceived as being inappropriate. I received some thought-provoking feedback too: women and non-binary people said that they felt unsafe boosting or posting sex-related content, because of reactions from men hitting on them. That, by posting about sex, some men took it as an unwelcome opportunity to solicit sex with them. some people not wanting to boost as they feel that they don’t have enough followers to make it worthwhile. And, in terms of increasing the distribution of a toot, yes, that makes sense. It probably still sends a nice endorphin boost to the poster though, that someone likes their work enough to want to boost it :) Where someone has a popular “main” account, and a less popular “alt” account, but would only be willing/able to post sex-related stuff via that alt, this perhaps comes into play. just not liking the stuff enough to boost it. Fair enough! concerns over whether their server rules allow boosting of this kind of content, and not wanting to get blocked / banned. I can understand each of these, and why they might lead to a “like” rather than a “boost”. None of them inhibit paying or tipping someone, as a thank you for their work though, which is another way of being supportive. But this also comes against a backdrop of increasing difficulties for sex workers and other people post sex-related stuff. Payment processors denying income streams. Platform operators enforcing their ever more restrictive morality rules, making working harder, and requiring more admin just to keep going. If people take, take, take, without giving back in some meaningful way, then that is challenging even for those who create and share for fun (for appreciation, perhaps, rather than tooting into the void), let alone those for whom this is their livelihood. I wish that I had better answers than I do. stigma about sex as pleasure. It’s fine to have sex, but not to talk about it. One of Girl on the Net’s regular themes is about communication, and simply asking questions (not just about sex, but also including about sex and one’s preferences and horizons). But I imagine that, for some, talking about sex is uncomfortable, including sharing other people talking about sex. concerns relating to professional expectations and obligations. I fall into this category. I am sex positive, but I do not know where the Solicitors Regulation Authority would draw the line, and I don’t wish to be even close to where that line might be. So I play it safe, even though there is stuff that I would like to post or share. But, oh well, self-censorship ftw. Sometimes, I would love not to be “me” online . being embarrassed about what others here might think. Similar, but different, to the points above. This is about other fedizens, who might be co-workers, employers, family members, or whatever. sex as being in the sphere of one’s private life. older people, perhaps especially men, being self-aware of engaging with younger adults posting sex-related stuff, and coming across as creepy. I completely get this, and I am somewhat paranoid about it myself. Several people responded to say that, yes, they felt like this. They might want to engage with public content (and I’m not talking about responding lasciviously, or sending dick pics), but do not want to be perceived as being inappropriate. women and non-binary people said that they felt unsafe boosting or posting sex-related content, because of reactions from men hitting on them. That, by posting about sex, some men took it as an unwelcome opportunity to solicit sex with them. some people not wanting to boost as they feel that they don’t have enough followers to make it worthwhile. And, in terms of increasing the distribution of a toot, yes, that makes sense. It probably still sends a nice endorphin boost to the poster though, that someone likes their work enough to want to boost it :) Where someone has a popular “main” account, and a less popular “alt” account, but would only be willing/able to post sex-related stuff via that alt, this perhaps comes into play. just not liking the stuff enough to boost it. Fair enough! concerns over whether their server rules allow boosting of this kind of content, and not wanting to get blocked / banned.
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